It's easy to dramatize
and make something a bigger deal than it is. When you are relating the problem
to yourself, avoid the urge to magnify the negative. Strike the words always
and whenever. You might feel like Stuart Smalley, but it can really help to
re-frame the problem in your mind by saying things like "I can cope,"
"It's not that big deal," and
"I'm bigger than this."
before you Share
Don't describe or blog or
tweet about the problem. Don't talk it over with your friends right away; let
it stew a little in your mind so you can settle down a little. Sometimes, well-meaning
friends will sympathize too much, which may only add fuel to your fire and get
you even more upset.
metaphors and visualizations that help you stay calm
Here's one that helps me:
I try to imagine my problem as a knot. The more I panic and pull on the ends,
the tighter the knot cinches. But, when I adopt a singular focus, a calm takes
over and I can loosen one strand at a time. It might also help if you can
visualize yourself acting with patience and focus. Lower your voice and try to
move as slowly as possible. Speak slowly and softly. Become the calm,
unflappable person you see in your mind. Here's another technique: Do you know
anyone whom you would describe as unflappable? Try to think of what this person
would do in your situation.
patterns of exasperation
Are there any specific
situations that cause you to lose your cool? Look at specific patterns -- from
time of day, to level of stress (or level of boredom), to blood sugar levels.
Do you tend to lose it when it's too noisy – or too quiet? Knowing about your
own patterns can go a long way in helping you keep your cool throughout the
that you can control your emotions
Reflect on times when you
were able to successfully stay calm in a frustrating situation. Maybe it was a
time when you wanted to yell at your spouse or your kids, but then the doorbell
rang and you were able to instantly shift gears. Consider that you might be
able to do this repeatedly, as long as you know your triggers and some tips
for keeping a calm mindset.
calm environment with peaceful rituals
If calm music soothes
you, use it. If silence soothes you, use it. Maybe you'll play some soothing
instrumental music or maybe you'll dim the lights and light some scented
candles. When you are coming home from work, give yourself a few moments to
calm your mind before you go charging into an evening at home with your kids.
Sit in the car for a few minutes and take some deep breaths. Kick off your
shoes and sip a glass of water. Rituals can also be tremendously soothing
during the transition periods of your day.
of the essentials
Make sure you are getting
enough sleep and getting enough protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals. I tend
to lose my temper way more often if I'm
low on blood sugar. But, get a little protein in me, and it's (relatively)
smooth sailing .Also make sure you are getting physical exercise. A daily workout can give
you the physical release that can help you control your anxiety. If I'm feeling
particularly stressed, I trade my half-hour run for a half hour of kickboxing.
This helps. Stay away from too much sugar and caffeine and stay hydrated. Drink
a tall glass of water and see if you feel better, more calm and alert.
the mind and spirit, too
Depending on your
spiritual tradition, engage in a routine of meditation or prayer. Practice yoga
- or just sit quietly for awhile. Developing peace of mind is a skill that will
serve you well your whole life through. Take a meditation class, and learn
techniques to help you get control over your monkey mind.
Instead of ruminating,
find something fun, engaging, and constructive to do. Try to laugh (or laugh at
yourself.) Watch a funny movie or read a blog that always make you laugh. When
you lighten up, it's a lot easier to keep your cool.
·Take a day
I always know I really
need a day off when I fight like crazy to not take one. If I can force myself
to take an entire day away from my work, I always come back more calm, assured,
and filled with fresh ideas.
forget to breathe
When my kids were very
small, we helped them to calm down by teaching them belly breathing, and it
still works for them and for me. Diaphragmatic breathing helps you alleviate
your stress in the moment and it gives you a minute or two to calm down, often
just long enough for you to assess the situation and help you regain your sense
of control .In a good belly breath, your belly will actually rise and fall. To
practice, put your hand on your belly. Inhale through your nose and see if your
hand rises as you breathe in. Hold the breath for a few counts and slowly
quotes that can help you calm your mind